I’m somewhat caught between the proverbial rock and hard place.  I enjoy being active in my church.  I guess it’s one of the rare instances when I can meet with like-minded people and discuss what God is doing, instead of just what he’s done (which is important in it’s own way).  People know I’m in love with my God, and I get told quite frequently by other believers that they wish they could get so in tune with their worship and get past their own inhibitions.  Unfortunately, real life kicked in.

You see, I’m a father of two children, and I’m not married.  On top of that, I live with my kids’ mom and her 11 year-old daughter.  In all honesty, I love being a father of 3.  I love being in a committed monogamous relationship with my girlfriend, and would be more than happy to marry her.  (I’ve asked before, but that’s a tale for another time).  In general, aside from actually standing in front of the minister and reciting vows, I’m married…  Heck, I live in a state that actually recognizes Common Law Marriage.  However, common-law marriage isn’t quite acceptable to my church, so I’ve been asked to step down from active church ministry. 

Part of me wants to be mad about it.  I mean, I’ve been dilligent in my ministry.  I attend choir rehearsal regularly, regardless of whether I’m actually ministering that Sunday or no.  I’m not late, I don’t leave early.  I’m respectful of leadership.  I tithe, and volunteer regularly.  I’m pretty much a constant face in church (Even though I’m known more for being the ‘dancing guy’ than by my name).  At the same time, I place myself under authority, and therefore abide by the rules of that authority.  It hurts.  I loved being on the worship team, but I love being there for my kids more.  If the choice is move out until the wedding or not serve in the church, I’ve made the one I think God will honor more. 

I just pray that the right one was made.

I’ll be genuine with you.  I’m having something of a crisis of faith.  Not that my ability to believe in God is in jeapordy or anything (yet), but I honestly feel that there is very little true worship of God going on anywhere.  I’m almost to the “what’s the point” phase.  I mean, I go to church, and hear the same thing I hear on the christian radio stations, and it’s the same thing that I hear people talk about in general christian circles.  It’s a bunch of repeating of the same old, same old.  Almost like “indoctrination” if you know what I mean.

Coming to a life in Christ, I thought I was supposed to be getting what he described as “life, and life more abundantly”, but I see a bunch of dead people talking about how good he is.  I’m almost terrified of becoming like one of them.  I’m scared that I’ll become so embittered that when I see a person on fire for God, I’ll take a concious effort to douse that fire as much as possible, in order to make my lack of zeal feel less conspicuous.  What happened to the life?

John 12:32 But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself.”

I look at the state of the body of Christ and at times I want to get discouraged. There are so many techniques and methods applied to get people into church, to bump up church attendance, and to speak on the number of people responding to alter calls. At the same time, I see so few people that would really meet the definition of disciple, a person who is like their instructor when fully trained. It almost appears that the “body” of Christ keeps thinking that it’s the Head itself.

While the scripture says that jesus said this to describe how he would die, it’s still a general truism. If Jesus is exalted above the concerns of men, it’s HIM that will draw men to himself. The church, by and large, has seemed to have gotten into itself being the ‘Gateway to God’, and people distant from God speak on needing to “Get back into church”, but in the long run, church doesn’t save anyone. When is the body of Christ going to offer something more than the World’s product in a different package? We’re supposed to be citizens of a different kingdom, when are we going to import that kingdom with us?

 When I was 18 years old, I had my first significant encounter with “the law”.  Ninteen days before graduating from high school, and pretty much set for college, I spent that Sunday afternoon out with my friend Johnnie, and a few people that he knew.  I should have known something was wrong however when we got a ride up to the mall, but his frien Romeo pulled up with a car when we decided to go home. There’s something compelling about the forbidden fruit however, and thus I was more than pleased to accept the ride.

Not being a very good criminal however, I didn’t really think much of the fact that the stolen car was still being driven around 3 days later, and in fact, was running low on gas… at which point they decided to go fill it up. And that’s where things got hairy, when the police car pulled up

One of the phrases I heard frequently growing up, when one of my friends would do something less than savory, was that they were ‘hanging out with the wrong crowd’.  Now, forgetting the basic fact that the other kids’ parents were probably saying the same thing about all of the other kids in said group, I’ve found that this tends to be something of a true statement.  You generally pick up the habits and mannerisms of people with whom you tend to associate.  Now, this can be viewed positively or negatively, but it’s apparently enough of a truism that it’s been with us forever.

The basic fact of this is the old addage “Associations leads to assimilation” has often proven itself true, and most people can think of a scenario where they’ve done something they’d have ordinarily not done because ‘everyone else was doing it’.  Thus, this is one of the main lessons I’d like my kids to learn, sometimes you have to stand alone, in order to make a real impact on those around you.  At the very least, doing what you know is right, in lieu of what people think will make you happier in the long run.

Proverbs 13: 10 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.