Commitment takes courage. Many times we are content to stand on the sidelines and just watch as the game is being played. It’s safer there; but there’s no action and no opportunity for success, or growth.

Sometimes we just need to jump into it and see what happens. Sometimes we just need to burn the boats.

The ancient Greek warriors understood this idea. These Greeks possessed an unwavering attitude to victory and commitment. When the Grecian armies landed on their enemy’s shore, the first order the commanders gave was “Burn the boats.”

These commanders knew the power of motivation and necessity. With no boats to retreat to, the army had to be successful in order to survive. As the soldiers watch the boats burn, they knew there was no turning back – there would be no surrendering.

In our lives we need to do everything possible to make good decisions. We may not always be right. But if we follow a process of gathering the facts, analyzing the risks, and creating a viable plan based on the information available, more times than not we will make the proper decision.

However, fear can keep us from moving forward. Consider the missed opportunities in your life. Think about the relationships you didn’t pursue, or end. Think about the career opportunities you allowed to pass by because you were more comfortable with the status quo. Think about the dreams and goals you once had, but are now stuffed down into a seemingly unreachable place. Imagine if you had burn some boats along the way.

A leap of faith is just that – a leap from what you know and trust and to the unknown. Frequently, growth lives on the landing spot where you leap. The question then becomes, “do I leap”; “how do I know I know if I’m following my heart’s desire and not just making a stupid mistake?”

The answer is you really don’t know, for sure. The Greeks didn’t know, for sure, if they would be victorious, but there were extremely motivated because there was no other course; no other way. They didn’t think about the “what ifs.” they only thought about how to prevail and win.

You have the same choice in front of you. Perhaps there is a book you have always wanted to write, or a business you have always wanted to start; or someone you would like to approach and begin a conversation.

Safety nets are good because they can protect you from pain and injury, but they can also keep you from really putting it on the line. The suggestion here is not to do your due diligence or act in a rash manner, but rather once you have completed your discernment process and your inner voice; your inner wisdom, says, “Go!” You go!

Remove the obstacles and the excuses. Storm the shore with the attitude you will be successful. Set fire to the boat that took you there and watch as it lists in the water and then disappears.

Turn around and look forward; look ahead. Leave your fear and regret at the bottom of the water with the boat and begin moving in the direction you want to go. Surrender to no one or nothing and fully commit. You will get to where you want to go. You will be victorious, too.

“People often overlook the supernatural in search for the miraculous”

This stuck with me, because I’d never really given much consideration to the statements many people make when they say that something is asked of them of which they believe they’re incapable. So, they’ve managed to come up with an explaination as to why some mother is able to lift a car if her child was trapped by it. That’s not common. Or some feats of memory or observation I’ve seen people employ that really seems above and beyond the norm.

Barring that however, the example that most popped into my mind at this concept was the issue of ‘forgiveness’. I’ll be honest with you. I’ve been through some SHIT in my lifetime. Between the relationship I was in, and the aftermath of the relationship with Xi’an’s mom; the number of times I’ve ‘lost it all’; misjudged friendships; and been used and abused, most people would have expected me to be a seriously cynical and bitter person. That me being saddened or angry is shocking to most people is a testament to my character as a roll with the punches person, and I think that my ability to forgive is key in all that.

Not to pat myself on the back, I honestly thought about it and realized that the ability to forgive that I display really is above the means most people believe that they are capable of. At first I thought they just chose to hold grudges, and were generally vengefully-minded. I then encountered a situation where I was unwilling to forgive a person, and now see the difference. I’m CAPABLE of it, because I know how to forgive, but it does require me to employ a little ‘je no se quois’ to do so, and I can totally understand how some people wouldn’t be able to do the same.

That was not what made the week in it’s entirety so rough though, that’s just how work went.  The weekend leading INTO the week was hard, with the fact that I was supposed to take Xi’an to the circus on Saturday.  His mother, on the other hand, decided at the last minute that she had more important plans.  This concept irritates me, because that means that regardless of a court order indicating otherwise, my time with my son is still apparently at her whim.  I guess the only way to rectify that situation is to just go back into court, and make sure they know that she still tries to control the situation, and acts as though our son were her property.

Then of course, the issue with Biscuit being pissed off at me at continual intervals throughout the week.  Honestly, I know the issue there is one of communication, but I really do think that though we listen to one another, we’re not hearing each other sometimes. 

Anyway, I definitely need this weekend, if nothing else, my head will clear

All that is a long-winded way of saying that I’m back, and I think I’m home again.  Maybe I’ll buy my own domain again and use that space again, but for now FutureFlection has a home. It’s time again for me to start writing tomorrow’s history today.

-M

2 Corintians 6:14 Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessnes, or what fellowship has light with darkness.

Well, I was asked a rather poigniant question subsequent to a retarded breakup with Brandy yesterday. What is it that attracts schizophrenic women to me. As the scripture says, what fellowship has light with darkness. Despite the saying ‘Opposites Attract’, fact is people tend to be drawn to people that they find some commonality with. So what is it with me that draws issue-laden women to me?

A little bit of introspection makes me think that I seem to be portraying myself off as hurt and needy. I haven’t been ‘single’ since ’02, and I guess I’m somewhat toxic right now. Going into relationships based on what I feel I need more than what I might be able to bring. I can see how that would be destructive, considering that under those circumstances, I’m in it for ME. This is a sign to me, if nothing else, that I need to be by myself at the moment. Maybe once I clean my own internal junk, I can be of benefit to someone else.

what once was

It’s often irritating to find God to be right when you don’t want him to be. When you’ve been wronged, and your initial instinct is to strike back, but He says to Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, your first reaction is “That’s a load of B.S.” Hell, why impersonalize it… that’s exactly what I thought. I tried to lie to myself and SAY that I was being forgiving, but to be honest with you, for the last 8 months now, I really wanted Trish to hurt as much as I’ve hurt. From my perspective, I’m the victim here. Having done nothing to merit this, I’ve had everything I’d counted on, everything I cared about stripped away from me. My home, my family, my planned future… there when I leave for work, gone when I come home.

So it seems strange that this week, in deciding that harboring the rage and frustration I felt, instead of ‘playing nice’, BEING nice, we’ve actually had a good week. We were able to talk, a little. We were able to share some semblance of a rapport. I was honest, I told her how I REALLY felt about her, not how I characterized myself as feeling.  I let her know I still loved her.  That’s the thing… we actually TALKED.  For, like, the first time in YEARS.  It was actually kind of nice, if it weren’t for the situation that brought us to that point.

I miss her.  I miss them.  I miss that life.  I’m not going to pretend I didn’t have my part in what brought this to be.  I may not have done what I was accused of doing, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t drive her away.  I hate that I’m a family man without a family.  I hate that I’m a parent without his children.  I hate that the life I had envisioned is gone up in smoke.  But I still love them all.

I’m becoming increasingly infuriated because I love my kids. I can’t even come up with a sufficient adjective to describe how much I love them. But, end result, even though I committed myself to being the father of 3, I only have one child. And even then, I’m denied the opportunity to be his parent. It took (takes) considerable effort to rewrite one’s mentality in order to stop being a single man and become a father. I took that effort, and in the end, the ground got kicked from under me. A lesser man would take that as an excuse to stop caring, and view this as an excuse as to why one should never completely invest himself in a relationship. I’m not a lesser man. I’ll be honest, this hurts like HELL. The dead space I feel inside is indescribable. I’d rather have lost an arm and a leg than be going through what I’m experiencing now. But, this is the reality in which I’ve found myself. It effin’ sucks. The only thing there is to do is find out where the ground is, and build again from there.

I can either keep on moving through this tunnel toward a light on the other end, or I can sit where I am and complain that it’s dark. The choice is mine.

Long story short, I’ll be updating again.

Of course, what happened is that I allowed the enemy to whisper in my ear, and like an idiot, I chose to believe him.  True sign that I haven’t been spending the time in the Word that I need to.  I’m practical though.  Find the problem, and then you can find the solution.  I was being lied to by the enemy.  He told me that there’s no way I’m going to get any victory in court when it comes to Xi’an.  After all, they already don’t listen to what I say, but any lie she cooks up gets pored over and considered.  The situation as it currently stands already leans in her favor, in that Xi’an has bonded to her, whereas I’m more or less “the guy that’s there when mommy takes me out”.  I could easily become discouraged if all I look at is how she’s winning.

But God.  I guess he recognized what I was going through, and had me be reminded of the TRUTH, which is the only thing that can stand against the lie.  “No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. (Isaiah 54:17)”.  I didn’t say that.  HE did.  So it’s not my job to make that happen.  I just keep doing what needs to be done, and permit the LORD to show Himself strong.

A Guy has 4 different types of girls:
1. Wifey
2. Baby Girl
3. Side Piece
4. Jump Off

1) Wifey is the sexiest, most successful and most respected of all the
women. She is loved, needed and wanted by her man…she is VIRTUALLY IRREPLACEABLE. She is the girl that the guy loves and will always love, he never wants to see her with another man…BUT he will cheat on her with Baby Girl until he is mature enough to realize that if he gets caught or fucks up in any way and loses Wifey, he would be screwed, and NEVER be happy again. Wifey gets along with mom, is independent, never nags, loves to dress sexy for her man, can cook and loves to keep a clean house. Wifey gets called 5 or 6 times a day. Drawback of Wifey, she loves public displays of affection…which might interfere with the acquisition of a Side Piece.

2) Baby Girl is ALWAYS just as ho t as wifey and usually has a very
active social life…she IS replaceable, thinks she’s the next Wifey, but
will only be Wifey if an extreme disaster takes place. Baby Girl gets some of the benefits of Wifey, like quality time every now and then and even presents on birthdays and holidays, but that’s as far as it goes. The main reason to have Baby Girl is in case Wife really really fucks up, she can be replaced in a matter of weeks because Baby Girl has been groomed to slip right into her spot. Be careful of Baby Girl, she tends to be just as attached as Wifey and therefore can be dangerous to the Side Piece. Biggest benefit of Baby Girl…she is extremely private and hates causing a scene, baby girl can come into the same restaurant as you and wifey and wifey will have no idea you two even know each other. Baby Girl is a master of disguise as well.

3) Side Piece, usually a female that the guy uses only for sex and
other pleasures, she is usually the one that he goes to for that 3-some or some late night head after the club. When Wifey is acting up and Baby Girl is at work, the Side Piece is usually the one to hold him over for a few hrs. He can meet with the Side Piece for reasons other than sex, but normally that only happens one week during the month. Side Pieces are hard to spot when they are out because most of her friends are either Wifey’s or Jump Offs. Drawback of having more than one side piece, they usually know each other somehow…we kinda think there is a side piece network.com or
something. Try to keep your side piece count below 4 if possible.

4) Jump Off…every mans dream and worst nightmare. She is trying to
move up in life, wants to be a Side Piece or Wifey but doesn’t know how to go about it. They are just the girls he hollas at when he is with his boys…she is usually stored in the cell phone by a nickname because he barely remembers her real name and where he met her…he only recalls how fat her ass was. The Jump Off gets called in emergencies only, when wifey is moody, baby girl is on vacation and side piece is with her baby’s father. The Jump Off is extremely dangerous in public for anumber of reasons, she is usually 5 other guys jump off as well, so she might cause drama with you and one of those dudes if you slip up, she also has no problem confronting you in the mall when you are with Wifey (something that baby girl would NEVER do) and the most dangerous thing about Jump Off…she
ALWAYS seems to find out where you live and or work.

LADIES,
Its come to a point where relationships are a monopoly and marriage is a mere fantasy…It’s hard to keep any kind of self worth when Men (and some women) think and function this way. In a way, its a matter of self respect and not settling, but in another sense, this has literally become a lifestyle and part of the American culture. All in all, its disgusting…yet almost inevitable! Ladies, I know hope seems lost, but maybe somewhere in the near future the tables will turn…but until then…Treat others the way they Treat you…never trust 100%, get out before you’re in too deep, and Respect yourselves and your emotions! DON’T PLAY YOURSELVES!

MEN,
You guys aren’t the only ones who do this, but you are the majority! I always wonder, what would happen if there were only ONE woman on this earth…since its seems as though you guys can’t have just one…it’d be a disgrace for you to even try to commit to just one. It all comes down to selfishness, and one wanting to have their cake…and eat it too. Even the men who grew up in decent homes, with two loving, faithful parents seem to stray over to the dark side…
You’ve got women comparing themselves (usually to other women who can’t even amount to them) and doubting themselves and their worth. Plain and simple…Adam got Eve…not Jill, Lisa, Tanya and Sarah..and men are meaning less and less in this “be with one person for each need” world!!!