OP 11/20/99

This is a very interesting situation I find myself in.  On the one hand, there’s this desire, this need if you will to remain single.  On the other, there’s a acompusion to have someone, to belong to someone.  Currently, Veasha’s the major someone.  I mean, evein if I WANT to be attracted to someone else, she’s there in my heart.  She’s with me always, in every living moment.  She consumes me, drives me, feeds me, leads me.  Yet I get so many indicators that she doesn’t feel similarly.  I mentally have her psychic profile down.  I can script her actions and play her like a marionette.  However, I can’t because I honestly want her to want to be with me.  Not engineered in to being with me.  Still, there’s thehaunting spectre of Nikkola.  She hasn’t been removed from my heart, just covered.  I’m going to have to settle with her if I’m to get on with my life.   Anyway,  things happened to Veasha’s and my relationship.  She stayed over for a couple of nights this week, and some things were said and little things took place.  A neck rub turned into an erotic moment. She revealed that she wanted to kiss me.  I wanted her lips against min in the worst way.  But the Spirit reigned and nothing happened.  Except FantasyIf she didn’t hang off of every word preached at that church.  If she allowed the spirit of the law supercede the letter of the law.  If she only followed her heart.  “If” is a pretty big word to be so short. I want to say I’m in love with her,  but no tyet.  I’m being held back for a reason.  I only need discover why.  But, until I do, Know this Veasha.  Whenever I gaze onto the face of a woman, I see you. When Ever I hear melodies spinning yarns of joy, love and unadulterated bliss, I hear your name.  Whenever I journey in my mind to distant places, and purposes never before conceived by man, my mind drifts to you.  You are a treasure, a jewel, and I want you to know that if you’ll take it, my heart is yours.  I got it bad, don’t I

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