This weekend, my heart dropped out of my chest like a Volkswagen driving down the side of a skyscraper with a serious tailwind. T and I have had our share of problems over the last several months, so I should have seen this coming (in fact, I DID see it coming), but preparation only carries you so far when you found out that the “Special Person” in your life has someone else. Fact is, I’d been unfaithful to her, so I was expecting it to go on. It’s just that it’s with the same guy that put a wedge between us last June. I’m not going to lie to myself anymore, she was doing him over the summer. I’ve got enough pictures of them together that allow me to infer this. But I told myself back then that I’d let that go, I just wanted her back. Eventually she probably got fed up with him again and made him leave. I was back, fully in the picture the next day.
Obviously, this hurts me a great deal, especially since she RIPPED INTO ME when she called me out on the same thing. I was doing regular computer stuff actually, going into the directory where she had her music files stored on her computer, which conveniently happens to be in program files. More on a whim than any expectations to find anything, I checked her log files, and found a nice running conversation covering most of last month. Created a text file of the conversations and I let her find it.
Now, even though it’s time and date stamped, she had the unmitigated gall to say that nothing was going on. Even with excerpts like:
BJR: Slow that down iam cumin 4 u and promise me u wont allow me 2 ever leave again k
T: ok just do us right PROMISE
T: shit i never know with u!! I am gonna lay down for a minute been up since 3am and i am bout to fall on my face i need u 2
I’m admittedly a naive person, maybe even gullible, but I go off when you try to play me as stupid. Obviously there’s something going there than simple cordiality. So I go today, to find out what the real story is, why I’m here in this relationship, and a whole mess of other little nagging questions. Am I a daddy? We’ll see.