Contemplative

Here I go again, with the relational sabotage again.  Actually, it’s not quite the same as my ususal.  I’m one of those classic geeks, in the sense that I’m online all the time.  That’s how I met Trish in the first place.  So my online presence ends up coming up as a threat, primarily because it’s my main method of meeting and keeping up with people.  Being on Myspace complicates issues, because even without trying to do anything deceitful, I end up creating a new life out of my online personna, with my online-only friends, and have even stumbled into a pseudo relationship.  I’m more guarded now, but spectres from the past are still hard to elude, and thus, Trish has a problem with me on myspace.

Is living online worth sacrificing what we have.  God no.  I’d toss my computer out the window if it was necessary for our relationship.  Probably do so begrudgedly, but I’d do it.  And anyone that knows me knows that that’s saying a lot.  All the same, I wish she’d believe in me a little to know that I make mistakes sometimes, but I learn from them.  I’m not on myspace to meet anyone.  I gave up on online communities for “hookups” back with Blackplanet.  I’ve got a woman that I love, and that loves me.  I see a future, one replete with struggle and hardship, but with a lot more happiness and joy to make it worth while. 

But I need interpersonal interaction, and it seems that it’s fine with her, as long as none of the people with whom I interact are female.  It’s like she gets pissed because I exist in the same universe as other women.  I wonder if she’s really that insecure, and thinks that there’s someone out there that can take me from her.  After all the drama I went through, to think I’d let something simple separate that.  Never.  So I have to figure out how we can resolve this in a mutually amicable fashion.  Wish me luck

 

Currently watching:
I, Robot (Widescreen Edition)
Release date: By 14 December, 2004
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