In my interactions with people, coupled with my observations of human psycology, I’ve realized that people tend to think, even expect that other people have the same perspective of life that they do. What I mean, is that, when you look at a certain situation, you’d generally expect someone to see the same scenario and available options that you’d see in the same situation. This is the reason that women often get the idea that a man will stay with them if they have their child; it’s a course of action that would have worked on them.
I say this, primarily because I’m currently in a relationship where my significant other is constantly on guard for cheating. Me, being someone who HAS cheated in the past, understands the hurt and pain caused by such actions, but not having the mind of a cheater, I don’t understand the motivations that would typically make someone do that in an otherwise “successful” relationship.
Despite many affirmations to the contrary, I typically don’t really think of myself as all that attractive, and this has historically been the case. Rather than deal with all of the self-esteem refreshers that I’d had to endure all throughout grade school, I chose to manipulate that shortcoming on my part to cause it to work more in my favor. When choosing a person for a relationship, I would typically shoot outside of my “range” for a woman, generally for someone I’d ordinarily have no shot at all with, so that if I did somehow luck out and find someone that DID want to be with me, I’d consider myself so lucky that it’d be a fool maneuver to do anything to jeopardize it. With that mindset, I know that the woman in my life can be secure in knowing that I won’t choose to stray, though I’m the first to admit I’m easily led astray. Again, that self-knowledge causes me to put up cautions to avoid situations that would open me up to negative outcomes, or to monitor myself if I’m determined to walk those paths.
Those factors combined cause me to be concerned however, when I’m accused of some sort of intricate plans to violate my relationships, not because of the actions that I take, but because I realize that my partner’s mind operates in that fashion, and if she can fathom me undergoing such duplicitous means to do her wrong, then she herself is capable of enacting those plans herself. I’ve seen it occur enough times to know that it’s a valid fear: That if someone thinks that I’m capable of plotting wrongdoing, then she has already contemplated the actions herself.
I say all this because I know Trish reads my blogs. I make it a personal point to avoid voicing untruths, since personal experience has told me that I can’t lie worth shit. I’m more likely to omit a truth, or tell just enough that I don’t have to cover it. If I’m busted, I come clean, since it takes more effort to cover a lie than it does to restore the relationship. My mind operates under the principle of “ever onward, ever upward.” I’d like to think of myself as a good person, and seek to use my time to develop myself into a better person. Time is the one resource I can’t stand to waste, so if something that I do doesn’t have a long-term benefit of growing me into a better person, it becomes a trait to shed. I hope you understand, honey, that I’ve evolved beyond the concept of “sex for entertainment”, and seeking attention for personal validation, viewing it as social masturbation. I mean, in the end, it doesn’t accomplish anything, and it’s my mission to leave a legacy of what a man should be, through personal refinement and self-awareness, to make me a better person for the benefit of those around me. I can’t accomplish my vision without you, and all I ask is that you trust me, and believe me, because every bit of mistrust does end up reflecting back on you.