I’m somewhat caught between the proverbial rock and hard place. I enjoy being active in my church. I guess it’s one of the rare instances when I can meet with like-minded people and discuss what God is doing, instead of just what he’s done (which is important in it’s own way). People know I’m in love with my God, and I get told quite frequently by other believers that they wish they could get so in tune with their worship and get past their own inhibitions. Unfortunately, real life kicked in.
You see, I’m a father of two children, and I’m not married. On top of that, I live with my kids’ mom and her 11 year-old daughter. In all honesty, I love being a father of 3. I love being in a committed monogamous relationship with my girlfriend, and would be more than happy to marry her. (I’ve asked before, but that’s a tale for another time). In general, aside from actually standing in front of the minister and reciting vows, I’m married… Heck, I live in a state that actually recognizes Common Law Marriage. However, common-law marriage isn’t quite acceptable to my church, so I’ve been asked to step down from active church ministry.
Part of me wants to be mad about it. I mean, I’ve been dilligent in my ministry. I attend choir rehearsal regularly, regardless of whether I’m actually ministering that Sunday or no. I’m not late, I don’t leave early. I’m respectful of leadership. I tithe, and volunteer regularly. I’m pretty much a constant face in church (Even though I’m known more for being the ‘dancing guy’ than by my name). At the same time, I place myself under authority, and therefore abide by the rules of that authority. It hurts. I loved being on the worship team, but I love being there for my kids more. If the choice is move out until the wedding or not serve in the church, I’ve made the one I think God will honor more.
I just pray that the right one was made.