One would almost imagine that I’ve grown tired of writing, or have somehow lost the capacity for it. Honest answer, I have in some sense. But there are still a plethora of thoughts out there to be shared, so I try to remain mellow.
The major thing going on in my life that apparently wasn’t at the point of the last blog post is that I’m almost done with my Engineering degree. What should be the climbing action toward a triumphant climax, instead feels like a stack of dirty glasses in a greasy bar under a bridge. Somehow, I’m obligated to feel ashamed that I’m almost 40 years old, and hadn’t yet finished my first tour through university. Yeah, a lot of people my age are going through grad school at this time, looking to move into phase II or III of their careers, while I’m just getting started. Still, anyone could have gone and gotten that business degree, or that history degree, or that liberal arts degree. I could have “majored in college”, and have paper on the other side of it. I chose ENGINEERING. This shit is HARD. But I wouldn’t be honest with myself if I didn’t chose this route. That I feel I’m asked to be ashamed for not getting it done in my 20’s feels kind of like a slap in the face, considering that I’m going through the effort of doing it now.
That, however, is the course of life sometimes. You’ve got to roll your boulder uphill for some seasons. That I’m somehow managing to go to school full time, work full time, and raise a child (not without help at least) will have to remain an internal triumph. That I’m excelling in most of these endeavors (that kid is a handful), even moreso. Three more semesters. That’s all I have to endure. Then, my life picks up where I left it those many decades ago.
Who has to be ashamed then?